Wiffleball and other Recreational Sports...Dangerous?

According to a story posted by the NY Daily News today, the Health Department has made a list of recreational activities that may pose a health risk to children. Seriously? Unfortunately, yes. Wiffle Ball made the list of dangerous activities along with kick ball, red rover, capture the flag, and other classic childhood games. What's next? Checkers & marbles because they might choke on the pieces. Give me a break! I know that children aren't quite as cognitively developed as adolescents and adults but you've got to be kidding me. Do you want to know what I played (when I wasn't playing Wiffle Ball) as a kid? Lawn Darts. That's right! They were banned from the market in 1988 in the U.S. & Canada but that didn't stop me from playing with them in 1997. I lived to tell the tale and do you want to know why? I'm not so inept that I went and killed somebody with a metal-tipped object that can reach a terminal velocity. That's why! Don't these people know anything about Social Darwinism? Long story short - smart people live longer. It's just the facts of life. Someone get me an Aspirin...my head hurts. Unbelievable!

I'm not done.

Just for fun - let's try to imagine how you could be terminally injured during a rousing game of wiffleball. There's really only a handful of ways this could happen, most of them would require a person to be either mentally inept or extremely unfortunate.

• A pitcher pitches a ball at an incredible velocity and hits the batter directly to the temple possibly causing a concussion and permanent unconsciousness. The aforementioned type of pitch could also strike an exposed tumor a batter could have, causing it to explode and cancerous juices quickly spread throughout the body causing a slow death for the unfortunate player.
• A batter who desires to hit more long balls corks his bat with a metallic material of some sort. Wiffleball can be played in the rain because it's an all plastic game and does not necessarily attract electricity. A batter with a corked bat could conduct electricity to him/herself and cause immediate death as thousands of watts of electricity travel through their body.
• Two friends decide that it's a great idea to strike each other in the head with the sturdy official yellow bat. Hitting the spinal cord just right can cause separation of the vertebrae and cause paralysis which can affect the brain's messages to parts of the body such as heart and lung function. If you're dumb enough to mock execute a friend with such a blunt object...maybe you deserve to die.
• An outfielder could impale him/herself chasing a fly ball that's traveling over the fence. A fence post could turn a person to a human popsicle when the circumstances are right.
• If your mouth is big enough you could always choke on a Wiffle Ball. If the ball is lodged far enough down your through you can block any access of air to the wind pipe. The ball would be near impossible to move from this position. it's round, smooth, and would become extremely slippery with saliva.

I'm sure there are other ways you could be killed playing this game. Feel free to share other ways you think a person can die playing wiffleball. I wonder if someone has died playing the game? I must have missed that episode of 1,000 Ways To Die. I'd like to thank Collision from the NWLA Messageboard for finding this story today. I probably would have missed this story otherwise.